So the living process, and what does it mean to me now.
I admit in the beginning. It was more or less an idea of what I wanted to do. However it has recently become so much more.
I wanted to put it down on paper so to speak. On what it’s about and what I can do about it in this life. I’m going to try to explain the reason what it means to me now. That’s not too easy at the moment. Because, It has changed since I first started it. In the beginning it was more or less a chance to change, to see if it was even possible.
To live a life by an example of positive ideas, actions and a set of rules and values I have. To be honest a lot of what I believed in the beginning of this adventure. I still believe today, however I have a much deeper reason behind the recent change.
I am deeply ashamed of the reason…. It was because I hurt my dearest and closest friend. It was from my insecurities, selfishness and fear. I hit rock bottom. Hard, and had/ have no idea what to do, except give it time. Whatever it takes. I do take complete responsibility for everything. I can deal with physical pain. I live with it daily. But the great loss, shame and emotional pain I feel, I had only felt once before. I never want to feel like this ever again. I will spend the rest of my life regretting my actions and trying to make up for it. I truly wish I knew how…it has taught me the hardest lesson.
It was also my catalyst for this change. It led me to today writing this. My words Love, Gratitude, Kindness and Change have a deeper enriching meaning to me now. I want to live by this example. The proof is what you will see, not only in the next 130 days but so much more in the next year to come. (Health/Life willing) I can openly and honestly say I have changed. Because of my friends. My attitude on life has even changed. I am different, much more true to myself…I have a LOT of work to do now.
The key now is to stay focused on what I have the power to do. Exercise, write, learn, plan, study, research, but mostly to take action on my Process. I understand some things have to wait. What I can do now I will do. I will forever regret hurting my dearest friend, and spend the rest of my life trying to make amends.. I will always remember all the lessons you taught me and make them a part of my process always 💚 I Live in Hope, One day soon.
Be the Change 🌎 Carpe Diem 💚🤟🏼